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9 yr old DS has 2 girls fighting over him - 7/5/2010 6:40:21 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 7123
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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There are two little girls the age of my ds who live or spend lots of time in my parents neighborhood. THere's one girl around the corner and then another girl whose grandparents live across the street from my parents. They love to come play with him when he is there. However, today one little girl, R, told him "H and I aren't really friends and she was mean to me and if you are going to be friends with her we can't be friends. H is only using you"
He is heartbroken. He wants to be friends with both girls and has known R longer but she is not the one I would tell him to pick if it came down to it.
I've already told him that what R said isn't very nice or fair and he shouldn't stop being friends with H. He agreed but doesn't want to lose R as a friend either. He said he feels like the last piece of pizza that they are fighting over.
Any good ideas of ways to help him through this?
As we have talked more about it, it seems like R and H had a fight this AM and are now pulling him into it.
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: 9 yr old DS has 2 girls fighting over him - 7/5/2010 7:23:49 PM
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theprincessbuttercup
Posts: 2290
Joined: 3/23/2010
From: Boo Radley's back yard
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Welcome to the world of little girls - "hating" each other one hour and giggling the next. I think that advising him to continue friendship with both and just waiting it out would work. next time he sees them they probably won't even remember they fought.
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Jude 24, 25
(My avatar is my daughter's artwork!)
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RE: 9 yr old DS has 2 girls fighting over him - 7/5/2010 9:00:25 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 2318
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
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They are not fighting over him, they are threatening to disown him unless he complies with their demands about how he runs the remainder of his friendship life. (Or at least one of them is?) In any case, a threat to get rid of someone is hardly a way to 'fight' for him.
That's a bad way to treat a friend, and he should tell them so. Then he should tell them that he intends to choose his own friends, which includes the other girl -- but that she, of course can choose her own friends too, and she is free to choose not to be friends with him if that's what she wants to do. She can tell him when she decides what to do about having him for a friend, and, of course she can change her mind any time she wants.
It's never too early to learn boundaries! (In fact, 9 is pretty late...)
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RE: 9 yr old DS has 2 girls fighting over him - 7/6/2010 12:16:01 AM
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hnt
Posts: 735
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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Sounds like you did the best thing.
Sarcasm Alert to help you giggle over this!
Sounds like you have two little ladies fighting over your handsome little dude there! Watch OUT - he may be a heart breaker! 
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h
Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
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RE: 9 yr old DS has 2 girls fighting over him - 7/6/2010 3:00:10 PM
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macokjc
Posts: 516
Joined: 2/24/2008
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He just has to remember that if he loses his friendship with R, it wasn't by his choice. It was because she chose not to be friends with him. This happened a lot in my daughter's 4th grade class. (I'm not going to play with you if you play with so-and-so.) We just kept telling her that she needs to do right, and if somebody chooses to not be her friend because of it; well, that's sad, but is that a friend she really wants?
I'm sure he's already done it, but I would just have him say; "Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I am friends with her too. If you choose not to play with us, that's your choice. It will make me sad and I hope you will change your mind, but I'm not going to stop being friends with her."
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