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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/2/2010 11:29:53 PM
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myka
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I have 3 children; DS is 17 and is a senior in high school. He is in the midst of college applications/AP testing/robotics season. DD1 is 13 and in 8th grade; she has an artistic temperment (she has a wonderful writing 'voice' -- very insightful). DD2 is 5 and in kindergarten this year; she is our talkative child and is pretty observant and perceptive.
Our biggest advantage right now is having another (almost adult) person to stay with our little one -- although I don't like to do that too often. I also don't like leaving the older ones by themselves on a regular basis (my own experiences play into that decision). It is also fun to talk to the kids and hear how they are processing things.
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 9:49:09 AM
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evegirl22
Posts: 180
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: evegirl22
Our episode going on right now as we speak is Matthew being sent to bed because he wouldnt eat his supper, and honestly it does not take almost an hour to eat.
Jamie, could I just ask why it was so important to you that Matthew ate his supper?
I agree with Sarah, it's honestly not good to make food/meals an issue; it can set the scene for a number of problems later on.
I have to say I LOVED the back-chat stage!! Call me strange if you like  but I just got a real buzz out of them becoming their own people and discovering their own will, their own capacity to choose. When you say he doesn't listen, what kind of things do you mean - can you think of any examples?
Growing up, when we were served supper, we ate what was place in front of us. It was how I was raised. And it was if you didn't eat, you didn't get a snack later, you went to bed or you sat there and stayed there until you ate what was on your plate. My dad's favorite saying was always," You have food, others are starving because they don't have anything." My personal opinion is I want him to be able to sit down and eat, to be able to feed himself and have proper table manners. Maybe this is the wrong age to start this? I wouldn't know. But, I have several friends who send their children to their rooms for not eating the food that was placed in front of them. For Matthew, he thinks that when he eats, he needs to eat something that is horrible for him- high sugary stuff. He back-talk about eating, saying things like," No, I don't like it" or "No, I don't have to eat." For him it is about getting control of that situation. I feel like I don't want him to be able to get away for not eating, and go on to be a normal kid when, hey, its mealtime, I asked you to eat and you told me no, so you are getting your way once again. I am a firm believer in the Family table, as having meals as a family and the 3 meals a day type of deal.
As far as back-talking, its a lot of,"No, I don't have to do that" or "I want to do this" or "I am doing this because I said so" and whatnot. It happens with chores, or listening to us when we are out in public and we want him to stop doing something that is potentionally dangerous, or it is time for us to leave, or to be quiet. With situations, for example, Matthew playing with his toys instead of cleaning up like I asked him to, which happened yesterday, the conversation was as followed:
me: Matthew, time to clean up our toys.
M: No mommy, I am busy.
me: Matthew, I asked you pick up your toys. We have made a mess, and it is time to clean up.
M: Mommy, I don't want to clean up. I don't have to. I'm busy.
me: Matthew, I asked you to pick up your toys. It is now time to clean.
M: I don't want to!
me: Matthew James, I will not ask you again. You will clean up your toys, because it is time to clean up.
I try to reinforce what I am saying. I have thought about making a chart- not a chore chart per say, but a chart that rewards for good behavior, for chores, for remembering our Awanas verses and whatnot.
Now I feel like I am doing this parenting thing wrong...  so frusterating it is.
_____________________________
~*Jamie*~
"It's no big thing, my Daddy is the KING!" ~ Paige Henderson
For we walk by faith, not by sight. -- Corinthians 5:7
Mommy to Matthew (9/19/06) and Dylan (10/6/09) [/c
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 10:01:57 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 4000
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Hey there. I've got three big boys (no babies anymore waaaaah! ). They are going to have their birthday's in a few weeks, so I have to shift to thinkin of them as 7, 5, and 3. The youngest is *almost* potty trained. We're still working on the stinkies. 
We went through a rough time for a few months, between dh going to Ethiopia, our move, and my miscarriage, but things have settled down a lot and I am really enjoying my kiddos again. They are so awesome and funny and bizarre and profound.  It helps that I learned to laugh at stuff instead of take it so personally and fret over it. I find it super effective in stopping a whiney tantrum in it's tracks. You know you're not going to get your way by screaming when Mama's cracking up at your best drama. 
Least favorite thing right now: The noise/craziness. They run around insanely (and it's bad in the winter when we're stuck indoors) and their default volume level is "Thundering herd of elephants".
Most favorite thing: Observing how they process life and new information, and hearing their perspectives on stuff. Gebre was telling us the story of Jonah last night, and his version is so entertaining. I asked him what Jonah told the Ninevites about their sin, and he said "Jonah told them: Stop it right now or I will have to call you all idiots!".
_____________________________
 Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 10:13:45 AM
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bolt.
Posts: 2385
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You are right that he is trying to exercise control over what he eats. The thing is that such control is generally accepted as rightfully belonging to the child. Providing good food that is moderately likable in a manageable amount is the parents job. The child's job is to choose whether or not to eat it, and how much. You will both be happier if you don't worry about the other's job. When he is saying things like," No, I don't like it" or "No, I don't have to eat." he is telling the truth, and there is no problem with you respecting that. If you don't 'choose that battle' then you have not lost anything, nor has he gotten away with anything.
However, you can (and should) require him to come to the table, use good manners, and share in the family meal experience even if he is not hungry or dislikes what is served.
As for the back talk, try to consider it a mistake in communication. He is trying to communicate with you clearly about what you appear to him to not be understanding (his feelings and desires). He's doing it disrespectfully, and that should be changed, but to do that you need to realize what he is trying to accomplish, so that you can teach him the tools to accomplish that appropriately.
You said, "It happens with chores, or listening to us when we are out in public and we want him to stop doing something that is potentially dangerous, or it is time for us to leave, or to be quiet."
With chores, the best thing is to say first, "I know you would rather keep playing, but it's clean up time." He will tell you in some form that he does not like your plan. That's OK. You already understood that he does not like the plan. If his communication was disrespectful, say to him, "You don't answer me 'No'. I think you mean 'I wish I could keep playing.'" Then have him repeat that, and respond, "I understand that you wish you could keep playing, but it's not going to happen. Will you clean, or will I put all these toys on top of the fridge where you will not be able to play with them later?"
This also shows that talk is not your only weapon. Talk is a short window of time where Matthew makes his choices, choosing not to go along with your instructions should have a result that he can see and/or touch. These do not have to be punishments given in anger, just results freely chosen by a small person who has choices and needs to learn how to manage them.
In the interests of having actual consequences, for public places I suggest letting him have something with him that he likes (a small toy, a favorite hat, some money) when you encounter a need to instruct him, then you tell him what to do, once, including a 'threat' in the command. "Special hats are for quiet children <or children who obey>. Will you obey when I tell you to be quiet <or whatever>, or will I take it away? OK, ready, Matthew be quiet now and keep your hat." (In a pinch I have threatened to take away my children's shoes because I had nothing else on hand... still works.)
This shows also the idea of setting up the 'stage' before giving the command/instruction, so that you can give the instruction once in a calm predictable way, rather than having to follow it up with the 'threat' information once he has already got onto a non-compliance mode.
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 10:19:54 AM
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MamaAng
Posts: 340
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My dad used to say when I was growing up, "Put on your plate what you are going to eat. Eat whatever you are going to put on your plate." It was a good mechanism to learn how to serve myself food without serving too much. I could always go up for seconds if needed.
My mom did make me eat everything on my plate, and I have memories of sitting at the dinner table for what seemed like hours till I ate the food that I disliked. This was a horrible experience.
What I have done with ds is similar to what my Dad did with me. He serves himself and for the most part has to eat what he serves. When he was 5 or 6, he would say he isn't hungry at dinner time but would say he was starving an hour later. So I started saving his uneaten dinner food and would reheat it later if he complained of hunger. Now at 11, I am not as strict about him eating at dinnertime. If he chooses not to eat at dinnertime, he has to sit at the table with us (mainly because he trying to skip out on dinner to play with neighborhood kids). If he really isn't hungry at dinnertime, he can always heat up whatever we had for dinner later. I do give him latitude with vegetables. If he doesn't like brussel sprouts, he can always substitute it with raw carrots (or the veggies of his choice).
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 10:40:35 AM
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manda59
Posts: 7689
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Jamie,
First of all, here's the good news: Matthew is a NORMAL 3 yr old! He's pushing boundaries, discovering his own identity, but he's a normal 3 yr old! He may be a bit strong-willed (which in my book is FINE - both my two were!), which means that you may benefit from getting a bit creative in your training of him, but he's a normal 3 yr old!
quote:
ORIGINAL: evegirl22
Growing up, when we were served supper, we ate what was place in front of us. It was how I was raised. And it was if you didn't eat, you didn't get a snack later, you went to bed or you sat there and stayed there until you ate what was on your plate. My dad's favorite saying was always," You have food, others are starving because they don't have anything." My personal opinion is I want him to be able to sit down and eat, to be able to feed himself and have proper table manners. Maybe this is the wrong age to start this? I wouldn't know.
I would say it is a bit young, yes.
My parents did that with my brother btw, and it ended up with him gagging and vomiting at the table.
quote:
But, I have several friends who send their children to their rooms for not eating the food that was placed in front of them.
To me, that is problematic on two counts. One, that it is making food an issue, and actually making it more important than it is. Two, that it's using their rooms/bed as a punishment, instead of as a place of rest and relaxation.
quote:
For Matthew, he thinks that when he eats, he needs to eat something that is horrible for him- high sugary stuff. He back-talk about eating, saying things like," No, I don't like it" or "No, I don't have to eat." For him it is about getting control of that situation. I feel like I don't want him to be able to get away for not eating, and go on to be a normal kid when, hey, its mealtime, I asked you to eat and you told me no, so you are getting your way once again. I am a firm believer in the Family table, as having meals as a family and the 3 meals a day type of deal.
Thing is, you don't need to teach it all to him all at once. And by doing so, you could be setting the scene for one or more of a number of different problems. If mealtimes take on stressful associations for him, you could be opening yourself up to tantrums, making himself sick at the table or even laying the foundation for eating disorders.
When my two were 3, they ate a lot less quantity-wise than they did before that age. I think their physical growth may well slow down a bit then, and mean they don't need to take in quite so much. And this can affect their appetite. They also start to develop their own likes and dislikes - just like us they're not going to like everything they eat.
What kind of high sugary stuff does he have, and how often does he have it?
quote:
As far as back-talking, its a lot of,"No, I don't have to do that" or "I want to do this" or "I am doing this because I said so" and whatnot. It happens with chores, or listening to us when we are out in public and we want him to stop doing something that is potentionally dangerous, or it is time for us to leave, or to be quiet. With situations, for example, Matthew playing with his toys instead of cleaning up like I asked him to, which happened yesterday, the conversation was as followed:
me: Matthew, time to clean up our toys.
M: No mommy, I am busy.
me: Matthew, I asked you pick up your toys. We have made a mess, and it is time to clean up.
M: Mommy, I don't want to clean up. I don't have to. I'm busy.
me: Matthew, I asked you to pick up your toys. It is now time to clean.
M: I don't want to!
me: Matthew James, I will not ask you again. You will clean up your toys, because it is time to clean up.
First of all, don't ask, tell. Asking means you can choose to say no. Secondly, if tidying up is a regular potential battleground, be creative. Fetch a timer, set it to, say, 10 mins, and say "I bet you can't put all your toys in this box before it goes ping!" OR, share the task, and say "right, you put the bricks away, I'll put the cars away - I'll RACE you to see who can finish first!" OR "Can you put the toys away really noisily? See if you can bash and crash really loudly!" Etc etc
If it's something dangerous, then it needs to be stopped right away - and whether you do that with a smack (as we did), or something else, then do whatever it takes. But in other instances, I'd suggest picking your battles, rather than letting Matthew make everything into a battle.
FYI, it sounds like my Jonathan was just like Matthew! I confess that many times I really did love it, even all the arguing, I found it so much more interesting than the baby stage. But other times I would fall on my knees before God and cry out to Him "Lord please help me to mould his character without exasperating him, without harming him emotionally and without crushing his spirit". So I do know how draining it can be.
quote:
I try to reinforce what I am saying. I have thought about making a chart- not a chore chart per say, but a chart that rewards for good behavior, for chores, for remembering our Awanas verses and whatnot.
A sticker chart is a great idea! Make the first one quite easy while he learns the principle that doing the right thing makes you feel good.
Another thing I'd suggest is lots of affirmations/positive praise. I read somewhere that the ideal ratio for positive praise vs tellings off is 4:1. I was raised in an atmosphere where good behaviour was taken for granted and negative behaviour was severely critcised and punished - this resulted in me having low self-esteem, with no idea of who I was (apart from the bad things I did).
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 10:51:16 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 4000
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Lots of good advice for Jaimie I think we've all been there, feeling like we're totally failing and not knowing how to make changes.
Looking at the dialogue you posted, I would take that last statement from you and use it after the *first* time he expressed his dislike for what you said. If you give him 3-4 chances every time, he's going to take them because...well, he's a kid.
For food, if I'm not willing to let them eat it, it does not enter their reality.  We don't do "You can have ice cream if you eat your supper". Sometimes we have dessert, but most nights not. If there is dessert, it's for a special occasion and I'm OK with them slacking on supper and enjoying sweets on rare occasions. So they understand that there's no chance of winning a battle with me over green beans and filling their tummies with sweets instead of real food. Except for special occasions, supper is all there is until breakfast the next morning.
Other than the 1 bite rule (must take one small bite of what's on their plate), all that's required of them is that they sit at the table with the family. I usually have one kid who's shoveling food in, and two who pick at it, and who those kids are changes from day to day. I provide food that I know they can enjoy and I won't play short-order chef, but their tastes change from week to week, it seems. Over the course of two weeks, they all manage to balance out their diet very well without any battles over food.
_____________________________
Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 10:56:52 AM
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heremainsfaithful
Posts: 1137
Joined: 10/14/2009
From: Alabama
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HRF here (the real name is too long to type)
My DD is almost 14 - aaahhhh. So far so good. She is sweet, sensitive, talks to us. About the only thing that's a problem with her is her messy room and the fact that if you hurt her feelings at the wrong time she leaves the room to go cry in her bedroom with the door shut!
DS is 12 and just about the funniest kid on the planet. he's shy with others but not with us or his friends. He doesn't share much, and he tends to have more trouble controlling it when he get's angry (wonder where he got that)
One thing I have learned about parenting was how rose-colored my view from the cheap seats was. In other words, I had no trouble being very sure of what the rest of the world of parents OUGHT to be doing.....until I had kids. KWIM?
_____________________________
Jer. 29:11, II Tim. 2:13, Jude 24, 25
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Eihstein's IQ may be higher than mine, but God's IQ is higher than anyone's.
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 11:22:29 AM
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GlassMoonWaltzes
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Great idea for a thread Sarah.
I have a question for this thread that I hope you don't consider off topic (If you find it so, just let me know, and I will delete the post).
Can someone give me some tips on relating well to a teenage boy (on the early side of the teen years). I had a very close relationship with my nephew when he was a little fella, and now it's rather difficult. Of course I've always been very gifted with real little ones (I'm not trying to brag, I've had 100s of people tell me that)...and not so good with teenagers...of course with kids in general I don't care, but since it's my nephew I do care.
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 11:39:37 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 4948
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Jamie- wow, that's a lot of advice!!!!! I think Bolt is a very wise person and very eloquent and said it so very well:
quote:
You are right that he is trying to exercise control over what he eats. The thing is that such control is generally accepted as rightfully belonging to the child. Providing good food that is moderately likable in a manageable amount is the parents job. The child's job is to choose whether or not to eat it, and how much. You will both be happier if you don't worry about the other's job. When he is saying things like," No, I don't like it" or "No, I don't have to eat." he is telling the truth, and there is no problem with you respecting that. If you don't 'choose that battle' then you have not lost anything, nor has he gotten away with anything.
3 year olds want their own freedoms...and if you don't allow them to have it in some way then they will push in all ways until they get it. (Especially some 3 year olds). What areas are you willing to give in a little and what areas are you willing to make into a hill to die on...that's the big parenting question and one you will revisit often throughout his growing up years. For us, when they get to that age, one thing I give in on and let them take over most control on is their attire. I don't care if their shirt is on backwards, or if they have blue pants with a camouflage shirt...if they picked it then that's fine. I do still hold the control over weather items that are necessary (such as no sandals when it's 40° outside, etc), but if they want to wear their pants backwards because the back pockets are so much cooler then the front, then I really don't care.
As for the food issue, this is how we have found that it works best in our family. We serve meals and snacks about every 3 hours or so (and I have small things available if you are really hungry between those times). Snacks are not sugary things...we rarely get cookies (mostly just when visiting my mom, but I give in a little when we are at Nanny's). Cookies would be more like a dessert, not a snack. So when we have girl scout cookies we may have one after the meal, but not as a snack a few hours later. Snacks for us are small meal items broken up (cheese or fruit, etc). When our kids do not feel like eating at a meal or snack time, they are not required to eat. However, they will not whine about it and will not complain about the food served. If they complain they are put in time out for being rude. When they are done they can ask to get up from the table. If they choose to not eat at that time, then they still have to participate in the table time. That is totally different then eating the food and is a mandatory thing in our house. Some snack times are less strict about that, and breakfast is usually whenever they get up, not at a set time for everyone to sit down to eat together. (We are not morning people, and making them sit at the table together when they first get up is just asking for trouble...lol).
Anyway- I hope you can figure out the dynamics for your household...it's a hard balance to get sometimes.
Oh and about the chore time- does he get a warning that it is coming up or do you just say "Put away your things so we can clean"? Maybe giving a 5 minute or 3 minute countdown to cleaning time would help. Also making chore time fun could help change his backtalk...listen to fun music or dance around, etc. Our chore times are broken up into one 30 minute time a day (for the older ones mostly though since they have more chores then the little ones). That one is usually in the mid morning time frame.Then three 15 minute times...one right before lunch, one right before dinner/daddy gets home, and one right before bed. They are mandatory for all to do something. Some people choose to have a list of what to do during each time, but I am not that organized about it. For us we just do what needs to be done.
_____________________________
My Peculiar World
"God spreads grace like a 4 year old spreads peanut butter. He gets it all over everything!" ~Mark Lowry
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 1:54:02 PM
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manda59
Posts: 7689
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
Oh and about the chore time- does he get a warning that it is coming up or do you just say "Put away your things so we can clean"? Maybe giving a 5 minute or 3 minute countdown to cleaning time would help.
I was thinking this too, and remembering that this was what my son needed. If he had notice that he'd need to pack up, or wash his hands, or finish playing (at the park), he was far more likely to be amenable to what I'd said. It was as if he needed time to adjust to the thought of changing what he was doing.
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 2:01:15 PM
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NuthouseMama
Posts: 934
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Just north of nowhere
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a warning might help...
But whoever said you need to stop 'asking' is right. It's TELL. Not ASK.
I had issues with this too...like all parents. We have a new rule. I will TELL you to pick up your toys. I'll encourage, help, direct. Whatever. But the toys WILL get picked up without attitude, and without fighting, or I GET A TRASH BAG.
That works. Even on my 3yo.
_____________________________
Formerly: Blessedmamaofmany. Still blessed. Just crazier.
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 3:16:01 PM
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MamaAng
Posts: 340
Joined: 4/20/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
Oh and about the chore time- does he get a warning that it is coming up or do you just say "Put away your things so we can clean"? Maybe giving a 5 minute or 3 minute countdown to cleaning time would help.
I was thinking this too, and remembering that this was what my son needed. If he had notice that he'd need to pack up, or wash his hands, or finish playing (at the park), he was far more likely to be amenable to what I'd said. It was as if he needed time to adjust to the thought of changing what he was doing.
I have found the warning system highly effective, especially when my son was younger.
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 3:19:42 PM
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NuthouseMama
Posts: 934
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From: Just north of nowhere
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You do need to decide how many times you're willing to repeat yourself before the consequences. Consistency! It's so hard...but pays off when they realize the boundaries.
LOL Maggie. There have been many-a-time of drama over Mama getting a trash bag. They clean up FAST when I start awalkin' to the kitchen. hehehe
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Formerly: Blessedmamaofmany. Still blessed. Just crazier.
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 3:44:41 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1891
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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I did the trash bag thing as well....and if they wanted the item back...they had to pay me a quarter (when they were a little bit older and actually had quarters....) for EACH item they wanted back....IF I ever had to pick up that particular thing again...it would cost them 2 quarters to get it back....a third time...it was gone. Period.
My kids were quick learners...lol...I never got more than one quarter per item 95% of the time..and I think I got to stage 3 once......
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 3:48:46 PM
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evegirl22
Posts: 180
Joined: 10/9/2005
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I am quoting a lot of different repsonses I got from you guys, but the advice is fabulous!
quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
However, you can (and should) require him to come to the table, use good manners, and share in the family meal experience even if he is not hungry or dislikes what is served.
That is a requirement in our house. The dinner table is the family table, I was raised that way.
quote:
As for the back talk, try to consider it a mistake in communication. He is trying to communicate with you clearly about what you appear to him to not be understanding (his feelings and desires). He's doing it disrespectfully, and that should be changed, but to do that you need to realize what he is trying to accomplish, so that you can teach him the tools to accomplish that appropriately.
I completely understand that he is trying to communicate. There are certain things that I will not tolerate, certain tones and attitudes. Those will be punished in the proper manner. I would like him to know that he can talk to me about things, but in a respectful manner and not with a bad attitude.
quote:
In the interests of having actual consequences, for public places I suggest letting him have something with him that he likes (a small toy, a favorite hat, some money) when you encounter a need to instruct him, then you tell him what to do, once, including a 'threat' in the command. "Special hats are for quiet children <or children who obey>. Will you obey when I tell you to be quiet <or whatever>, or will I take it away? OK, ready, Matthew be quiet now and keep your hat." (In a pinch I have threatened to take away my children's shoes because I had nothing else on hand... still works.)
This shows also the idea of setting up the 'stage' before giving the command/instruction, so that you can give the instruction once in a calm predictable way, rather than having to follow it up with the 'threat' information once he has already got onto a non-compliance mode.
I like this, and will try to use it in the future, and hopefully this will be something that works for us.
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What I have done with ds is similar to what my Dad did with me. He serves himself and for the most part has to eat what he serves. When he was 5 or 6, he would say he isn't hungry at dinner time but would say he was starving an hour later. So I started saving his uneaten dinner food and would reheat it later if he complained of hunger.
I haven't done this, but it sounds like something that willbe happening in our house from now on.
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What kind of high sugary stuff does he have, and how often does he have it?
In my house, its maybe 2 times a week he will have something sugary like a dounut or a cookie. Though it is worse when we come back from Minnesota, as my mother spoils him rotten, even though I try to control his eating there, he always is on a sugar high.  Not fun though.
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Oh and about the chore time- does he get a warning that it is coming up or do you just say "Put away your things so we can clean"? Maybe giving a 5 minute or 3 minute countdown to cleaning time would help. Also making chore time fun could help change his backtalk...listen to fun music or dance around, etc. Our chore times are broken up into one 30 minute time a day (for the older ones mostly though since they have more chores then the little ones). That one is usually in the mid morning time frame.Then three 15 minute times...one right before lunch, one right before dinner/daddy gets home, and one right before bed. They are mandatory for all to do something. Some people choose to have a list of what to do during each time, but I am not that organized about it. For us we just do what needs to be done.
I do the countdown. It works for when we need to leave for somewhere, or leaving a playdate or dinner or whatnot. I have tried to make it fun, but he really just is a busy body and doesnt want to slow down for anything. But maybe I might have to come more games or something... 
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But whoever said you need to stop 'asking' is right. It's TELL. Not ASK.
I had issues with this too...like all parents. We have a new rule. I will TELL you to pick up your toys. I'll encourage, help, direct. Whatever. But the toys WILL get picked up without attitude, and without fighting, or I GET A TRASH BAG.
That works. Even on my 3yo.
I have actually thrown toys away at cleanup time, well not really thrown them away but placed them in the trash can. They eventually come back out to the toybox, but it gets Matthew's attention.
Thanks guys. It sounds like I have my work cut out for me a little bit, but I am definetly willing to try more things to get a better, positive result!
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~*Jamie*~
"It's no big thing, my Daddy is the KING!" ~ Paige Henderson
For we walk by faith, not by sight. -- Corinthians 5:7
Mommy to Matthew (9/19/06) and Dylan (10/6/09) [/c
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RE: Chit Chat: Parenting Triumphs and Trials - 3/3/2010 3:58:21 PM
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stampinlady
Posts: 3124
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
Status: offline
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quote:
relating well to a teenage boy
Take him out to lunch and pick his brain. See what he's into these days and if that doesn't work you might have to back off for awhile. Boys are funny about certain relationships. And please please please respect him and his boundaries and don't treat him like a little boy. My mother and sister have done this and still do in some ways to my son(15) and it irritates him.
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Deb
There is no "cosmic dog whislte. It's gonna be loud folks !!!
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