Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now what?
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Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now what? - 3/6/2010 9:27:49 PM
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Ruth181
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My son is 20, but is learning disabled and is immature in many areas. A few months ago he got some books out of the library and one was about a homosexual relationship between boys. My daughter, age 21, saw the book on the kitchen counter and she told me what it was about. You could not tell from the title what it was about. At that time, I didn't say anything to my son about the book as I thought perhaps he had gotten it out of the library in error and I was not even sure he had read it.
Today, I walked past him as he was using the computer in the hallway and he was looking at something to do with gay and lesbian relationships. It looked like the library website or Amazon - either books or DVD's, I couldn't tell by walking past him.
I am at a loss as to what to say to him. I don't want to put him on the defensive, but I also don't want him dwelling on these types of relationships. He has never had a girl friend, other that a girl he grew up with in school and went to the Junior Prom with. He's never shown any interest in boys in that way or girls in that way for that matter. When he had his high school graduation, all the friends he invited were girls. Being learning disabled, he didn't forge relationships with boys in school as most of them only want to hang with the "cool" kids. He has always found it easier to talk to girls or younger children.
What should I do? Any advice on how to approach this would be appreciated.
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/6/2010 9:44:42 PM
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bolt.
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I don't know about learning disabilities, but an 'age appropriate' explanation of what hetero and homosexuality are, and how homosexuality is a sin against God because it takes what is good (heterosexual married love) and makes it wrong by directing it at the gender that is not created as a partner. Try to help him understand that feelings of companionship are not the same as feelings of attraction, and that curiosity is a form of temptation that he should avoid.
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/7/2010 3:42:42 PM
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Memaw.
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Do you feel comfortable approaching him with, "Hey, can we talk? I noticed you were looking at ___ and I just wondered if you need to talk about it?"
(Or something along those lines)
Try to open a dialogue with him to get a feel of what is really going on with him. Don't shame or embarrass him, but just talk..and listen.
_____________________________
~Kim
Everything can change in a blink of an eye. But don't worry: God never blinks.
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/7/2010 3:50:30 PM
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manda59
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I totally agree with Memaw.
He's left the book out in the open, he's looking at those websites at times when you could notice, so you could bring it up really naturally and casually.
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"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 8:56:24 AM
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Ruth181
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Well, I sort of took the chicken's way out. He was not done reading the book he had left on the counter. He spent the greater portion of yesterday afternoon looking for the book, which I had put up in my room until I had a chance to see exactly what it was about and figure out what to do about it. So this morning I had a chance to look the book over and it is about a young man's realization that he is gay, etc. So I wrote a note on a sticky and put it on the book "Found your book. Why are you reading this book" and put the book back on the counter.
Being learning disabled, he does not always know what is appropriate and what is not. For instance, being that this book is about homosexuality - he was making a big deal about looking for the book, asking everybody if they had seen it (not mentioning the title, but if anyone had seen it they would have known he had that book). He also had left it out on the kitchen counter where his younger brother or sister could have seen it, picked it up and read it, etc.
So the first step has been taken. I am hoping and praying that he checked it out from the library by mistake, but I'm afraid I am in denial already.
Please pray for me to give me strength to get through this day.
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 9:17:13 AM
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bolt.
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I'm not clear as to why you would be bothered about your son learning that homosexuality exists and/or how people who live that way experience their feelings.
It's a fact of the world that some people choose the sin of homosexual relations. There is no reason that your son should be kept ignorant of that. He should not need to feel defensive about wanting to find out more about that part of society.
It is critical that you be clear, direct and calm about these things. It is critical that you listen well to what he has learned about homosexual sin and how people fall into it. It is critical that you continue to re-frame it for him as a shame and an pity, a disobedience and a sin -- how you hope and pray that these people choose God and abandon their perversion.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
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>>audio link<<
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 9:31:49 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ruth181
So I wrote a note on a sticky and put it on the book "Found your book. Why are you reading this book" and put the book back on the counter.
The danger with communicating in writing is that tone, expression etc aren't there and what's written could come across the wrong way. For example, what you've written could come across accusatory - especially with the very direct "Why...?" which seems to imply criticism, condemnation even.
Whereas, like bolt, I don't understand why you'd be so bothered about your son learning about homosexuality. Is it something you've already talked to him about when he was younger at all?
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 9:47:38 AM
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Ruth181
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This particular book was not about homosexuality in general, it was about a boy finding out he is gay and his experimenting in relationships with other boys. It is written by a gay man.
My son is not an intellectual. He enjoys video games, watching wrestling on TV and on the computer. He does not read books to learn something about a topic. He would not get out books about homosexuality to learn about the subject. He would not need to read a book to find out information about the fact that there are gay people in the world - please, there are so many TV shows and movies that make it an acceptable way of life that it is seen as normal. He is already aware of what it is to be homosexual.
I am concerned because I afraid. Afraid that he may be thinking he is gay. Afraid that he may be inclined that way.
Bolt and Manda59 - are you saying that you would not be upset if you thought your child may be homosexual?
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 9:55:14 AM
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peculiar_lady2
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Ruth, I think you are underestimating your son's abilities. He IS obviously curious about this...maybe not because he thinks he is, but just because you havent' discussed it with him. Yes, movies and tv do portray it often, but have you TALKED to him about your view of it, the Bible's views on it, and what exactly it is and why it is sin? If you have not, then I do not doubt that he will be getting his information from a book or television. You can't continue to live like he is so unintelligent that he won't be pursuing the answers he needs. He WILL, and if you are not there to give him the information he desires, then he will get it from others. When he does, it will be their personal convictions on the subject, not yours. You really need to open up the lines of communication here. Fear is what has held you back this long, and you can't allow it to hold you back any longer.
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My Peculiar World
 
"God spreads grace like a 4 year old spreads peanut butter. He gets it all over everything!" ~Mark Lowry
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 10:00:37 AM
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Memaw.
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quote:
I am concerned because I afraid. Afraid that he may be thinking he is gay. Afraid that he may be inclined that way.
I can completely understand that concern.
But I agree with Manda that the tone of the note could be construed as accusatory.
Where is your husband in all of this?
_____________________________
~Kim
Everything can change in a blink of an eye. But don't worry: God never blinks.
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 10:02:40 AM
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Memaw.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
Ruth, I think you are underestimating your son's abilities. He IS obviously curious about this...maybe not because he thinks he is, but just because you havent' discussed it with him. Yes, movies and tv do portray it often, but have you TALKED to him about your view of it, the Bible's views on it, and what exactly it is and why it is sin? If you have not, then I do not doubt that he will be getting his information from a book or television. You can't continue to live like he is so unintelligent that he won't be pursuing the answers he needs. He WILL, and if you are not there to give him the information he desires, then he will get it from others. When he does, it will be their personal convictions on the subject, not yours. You really need to open up the lines of communication here. Fear is what has held you back this long, and you can't allow it to hold you back any longer.
Sarah, this is an awesome post with excellent advice.
_____________________________
~Kim
Everything can change in a blink of an eye. But don't worry: God never blinks.
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 10:10:37 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ruth181
Bolt and Manda59 - are you saying that you would not be upset if you thought your child may be homosexual?
You're running ahead - all he's done so far is indicate curiosity about it.
As I asked before, is it something you've already talked to him about when he was younger at all? Do you and he communicate in a natural open way about things to do with sex and sexuality? If not, it's something you need to start doing asap. Otherwise he will take his curiosity and questions to people and places who could easily lead him astray.
_____________________________
"Manda – I can often skip posting 'cause she's got it covered!", sen10tious, July 2010
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 10:33:43 AM
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cynthia
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2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of sound judgement.
Good relationship and good communication with our children is extremely important. It is the job of a parent to instruct her children, according to the Bible. If you cannot talk to your children, you cannot instruct them. Your son is not hiding this from you, so it should be much easier to talk to him than it would be if he was closed up.
You have been given good advice here on how to approach the subject. It is your duty as a parent to do so. Walk in power, not in fear. What you have to fear is what might happen if you do not immediately open positive communication with your son. There is nothing to fear in taking a proactive approach and working through this with your son. The best place for him to get information about the deep things in life is from the Lord and often than comes through parents.
_____________________________
Often times the battle is the worst right before a breakthrough. In order to get us to give up, the devil wants us to think we are losing, when in fact we need to fight on to victory.
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 10:37:21 AM
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bolt.
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quote:
Bolt and Manda59 - are you saying that you would not be upset if you thought your child may be homosexual?
I would not be 'upset' if I thought my child might be homosexual. I would be concerned and I would choose a strategy for the time frame where there is still uncertainty, because it is probably the same window of time where the young person is still uncertain too. So my plans and actions would be critical. There is no space in that window for jumping to conclusions and wasting energy being upset.
What you are saying is, "wouldn't you be upset if you thought your child might be inside a building that might be on fire." No. If that was the case, I would be finding out where my child actually is, and if necessary, planning a rescue. There's time enough to be upset if the plan is ineffective.
There will be time enough for you to be upset if your son does choose homosexuality and finds someone to have relations with. For now, set yourself aside and figure out a conversation plan that is likely to communicate, convince, convict and relate to your son, just in case this is the last chance.
If you treat him like you were sure he was only researching, because there is no way you consider him likely to turn his back on the God who loves him and made him... chance are he will take that as a very affirming message that makes him think, "Yeah, I can't believe I was ever thinking such things." You also need to broadcast to him exactly how you do feel about practicing homosexuals, so that he can predict your reaction if/when he might think about becoming one himself.
You don't want this to be a moment of, "Mom thinks I might be gay! Wait, if she thinks I might be, might I be?"
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/8/2010 12:07:17 PM
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cynthia
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You have made it clear to us that you do not want your child to think he is a homosexual. The only way to counter him thinking that that he might be or is, would be with truth, but you cannot give your child truth if you remain silent. Speak the truth in love.
_____________________________
Often times the battle is the worst right before a breakthrough. In order to get us to give up, the devil wants us to think we are losing, when in fact we need to fight on to victory.
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/9/2010 7:57:52 AM
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W.O.F.
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I cannot add anything to the advice you've been given...it has all be excellent.
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Found out son is reading about homosexuality - now ... - 3/10/2010 4:48:10 AM
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serasvictoria
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quote:
I cannot add anything to the advice you've been given...it has all be excellent.
Ditto. These ladies know what they're talking about.
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